Summer birthdays

I have a summer birthday. I have always rather relished having a birthday away from specific festivities. For I find birthdays are days that always contain emotional nuggets whether you want them or not. A sense of time passing. A glance back at what can seem to be a crumpled life. With way high expectations unreached. A reminder of people whom you can no longer offer a slice of your cake. A chance for better. A feeling you could fly. As a child, my birthday came as school was breaking up for the summer. There is a cine film of a birthday party when I was about ten in the back garden of our brilliant house in Moss Lane. I wasn’t a popular girl at school but I managed to get quite a few friends over to a party with promises of a rounders games on the back lawn and a slap up tea. The cine film is evidence of why I wasn’t a popular girl because I apparently spent the entire party in a ballet tutu and I think I refused to play rounders. Around this time, my parents bought a tiny flat in the north of Spain, an economical way of spending holidays and giving us exposure to another culture. All sounds promising, except as I said my birthday fell as school broke up, so we would wave good bye to school at lunchtime and by that evening our famiy would be on the south coast waiting for the ferry to take us over the channel where we would drive for 14 hours straight until we could unpack our cheddar cheese and tea bags at our postage stamp of a holiday home in Calella de Palafrugell. To clarify, My entire birthday would be in the back seat of the car, chasing some audacious Citroen down the autoroute. Parent “ Don’t worry, we’ll just celebrate your birthday tomorrow.” Child “ But it won’t be my birthday.” Parent “ we can pretend it’s your birthday.” Child “ ( with a gold medal for sulking) but it won’t be…” As I moved on in life I found Birthdays to be a reminder of what I hadn’t achieved. I was embarrassed by people celebrating me for just having been born, when all I could see was the procrastination or apathy that had filled the previous twelve months. When I was working on location on a film in Texas, the catering crew would always make something special for a birthday. Candles, a cake, the whole crew singing… they found out about mine and made me a huge English trifle as a surprise at lunchtime. I was just about to enter the tent, I knew what was in store and I literally turned round at the door and ran away. Ran away… good lord… Not my finest hour. For years I didn’t let anyone sing that rather silly and repetitive song. I didn’t allow cake or candles. We could do tea or supper on my birthday but no one was allowed to mention it. That wasn’t my finest hour either. But that’s behind me now. Nothing like making a loud noise as a way to not be noticed. I read that in certain cultures you don’t celebrate birthdays when someone is young. You wait until they are older, and then every year is a marked as a marvel of survival. So on my birthdays, I try to do something I had never done before. Like take a flying lesson. Kayak across a bay.

I always have a breakfast of grilled tomatoes on toast and there are raspberries and cream at some point in the day. This year I went to supper at a Polish Club and caught the BBC proms at The Royal Albert Hall.

I wore a new dress that I now think looks like a French tablecloth but hey! And down which I managed to spill something oily. But I was with dear friends and them wanting to be there turned out to be enough.

I think birthdays are little pockets which gently remind you of how far you have come. And how lucky you are to have had the life you had with those people who make you see that the life you have is a good and worthwhile one. Well done my friends and my family, that is what I say now. For persevering with me over the years. Thank you for your good wishes. For the ribbons and the cards and the flowers. For the outings and the reassurance and yes, even the cakes.

I am thrilled to be in your company, I am happy to be who you believe me to be, Even though I have my suspicions you are misguided.

But I have enough raspberries today to make my birthday last another day. I just have to get more cream Hip Hip Hooray! For us summer birthday people.